Life

I hate having to be the one to hold both halves of my wold together. Nobody should ever have to go through that. In fact, the two sides of my life shouldn't even have any relation to each other.

I hate my mom so much. Yeah. Sure. She only wants what's best for me. Honestly, then why doesn't she hit me? Huh? Many other parents do. And, seriously, she seems like the kind of person that would. I hate her so much. And I hate my dad too. He's so mean. And the worst thing about them is how they act in accordance with each other. She'll be mean, and he'l be tolerable. Then he'll be pure evil (not like he wasn't already) and she'll be all "i'm on your side." pfft, the only person that seems to care about ALL of me, is me. Then they constantly fight, I mean, what the fuck? They're supposed to be all lovey dovey grossness, or divorce each other. They're both retarded. As soon as I can be free of both of them, I'm going to disappear from everyone I knew.

Of course, that's only half of everything that is my world. There's also the school shit happening. Well everyone hates me, so why would I bother? Hmm? I don't want to be friends with people that will hate me for being me and suddenly love me for changing one thing about me. Really, if they want one part of me to change, who's to say what else they'll want me to change? If I listen to their every whim, who would I be? Would I just be a sculpture of everyone's thoughts? I would hate that. I hate most people anyway, and why should I listen to people I hate? Nobody even knows how right they are when they say my parents are retards. But of course, I have to pretend to be the perfect little girl with perfect little parents. Nobody knows how retarded my life is.

My parents don't even know how stupid my school life is. They think I only have like three friends. And perhaps thats true. But I don't have a life anyway. I've managed to keep my life closed to everyone while still pretending to be open. That's what my life amounts to right now. I'm an actress. I act like everything's fine when I go to school. I act like everything's fine when I go home.I act like the only trouble I have is homework, at home. I act like the only problems in my life a stupid boys and spiteful girls (I'm way more spiteful but I don't act like I am). I act and act and act, and I wonder when all the walls will come crashing down.

I'm screwed when somebody finds out everything about my life. Nobody knows everything, and I think it's sad when they believe they do know everything.